They can't all have been snakes?

My realization this morning is that I needed a traumatic experience to open my heart again. I asked for it. I begged for it. I found someone who would put up with me and my lack of emotional availability for as long as possible. I then proceeded to let every non-intellectual connection wither and die. And then I made her stay with me – promising more of myself and never delivering. To be fair, I was trying to find it; I was just as inaccessible to myself as to her.

A number of years ago, by happenstance, there was a Conclave of my ex-girlfriends at a party that I didn’t attend. The comment that came back to me was “He’s a charmer.” Sardonic or not, there’s truth there – But it’s taken me a long time to understand the shortcoming lying behind it.