Bye bye happiness, Hello loneliness...
It's only Friday night, but somehow the weekend is already getting me down. I guess the routine of the work week is helpful to me. I'm still struggling to figure out what the hell to do with myself. I think it's compounded by the fact that I'm impoverished by the cost of my house. I feel like I can't go out and do anything, or buy the things I might need.
Ah, hell - maybe it's time to look for another place to live. Somehow I think that I'd really appreciate the opportunity to live completely alone for a while (for the first time?). It feels like that's more important to me at the moment than buying the house. Maybe not the most forward-thinking decision I could make.
Who knows, maybe I'd be fine with a roommate. I just feel like the things that I want in my life would be easier without someone looking over my shoulder. If I want to do any number of crazy things, I don't want to weird anyone out. My views on life alone are likely to do that to any normal roommate I might have. I'm not exactly "normal" anymore. Although I feel more like a real person than I have in at least 10 years -- if not longer.
Maybe I just need to find a kindred spirit to live here with me. I'd love to be able to afford this place, and actually do the things I keep thinking of. But that'd likely require someone to share a bedroom with me, and that sure ain't happening anytime soon.
This all just kills me, because in so many ways I feel better and more alive than I can recall ever feeling. And then I start to consider -- what does a fucking apartment cost in Seattle these days? $700 a month or thereabouts. So why shouldn't I just suck it up, tighten the belt a little and try and afford the house? At least I'd be buying instead of renting, right?
Everything's gotta be a goddamn sacrifice. One way or another.
Ah, hell - maybe it's time to look for another place to live. Somehow I think that I'd really appreciate the opportunity to live completely alone for a while (for the first time?). It feels like that's more important to me at the moment than buying the house. Maybe not the most forward-thinking decision I could make.
Who knows, maybe I'd be fine with a roommate. I just feel like the things that I want in my life would be easier without someone looking over my shoulder. If I want to do any number of crazy things, I don't want to weird anyone out. My views on life alone are likely to do that to any normal roommate I might have. I'm not exactly "normal" anymore. Although I feel more like a real person than I have in at least 10 years -- if not longer.
Maybe I just need to find a kindred spirit to live here with me. I'd love to be able to afford this place, and actually do the things I keep thinking of. But that'd likely require someone to share a bedroom with me, and that sure ain't happening anytime soon.
This all just kills me, because in so many ways I feel better and more alive than I can recall ever feeling. And then I start to consider -- what does a fucking apartment cost in Seattle these days? $700 a month or thereabouts. So why shouldn't I just suck it up, tighten the belt a little and try and afford the house? At least I'd be buying instead of renting, right?
Everything's gotta be a goddamn sacrifice. One way or another.
posted by ix at 11:11 PM
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